Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Empowerment Hour: Big and Bigger

As a woman who used to be no bigger than a size 10 for years, imagine my shock and horror when I slowly became a 16, 18 and ultimately a size 28. Never once as a young person did I ever see myself being plus size. My self esteem went down as my weight went up.

It all started in 2004 when I had a nervous breakdown in law school. I was put on medication and my weight ballooned to 232 pounds. I was miserable in my own skin. My clothes didn’t fit and I did not feel beautiful, pretty or curvy. I felt fat. I know, I said it…the dreaded words, FAT.

I stopped taking the medications so that I could slim down but that took me several years to lose the weight. By 2007, I was a cool 177 pounds. I was back to a size 10 and I felt great!!! Nothing could stop my confidence from shooting through the roof.

However, my weight ballooned again in 2011 when I realized the man that I loved didn’t see a future with me. He disappeared and would come back for sex every now and then. I tried to stay positive and hoped for the best. He started criticizing me, my accent, my job, my apartment and my life. Pathetic is how I felt. His words cut like a knife and I started reaching for sweets and fried foods all the time. Before I knew it, I was a BIG Girl again and a size 28!!! How did this happen again? How had I let myself go?

When I met this man, I was a size 16. As my body got bigger, I could see his disgust and that played over and over in my mind. You would think that that would stop me from eating but it did not. I knew I couldn’t have him, not now or ever. My depression became overwhelming. I wanted to die quickly. I was eating myself into an early grave. Time was my enemy because my mind stayed focused on him.

Today, things are different. I lost the weight and am now a size 14. But it took 2 years of hell for me to see the light. The enemy was within. I gave my power to a man who did not deserve it. Now, I am better for this experience. This is not to say that my weight is no longer an issue for it is and probably always will be.

What changed was how I saw myself and the situation. I let his thoughts and opinions of me become how I saw myself. Once I realized that we were never going to be and never should have been, my heart started to let go. My sadness wasn’t so profound. I relaxed and started eating better and treating myself right.

Today, being a size 10 is not where I want to be. I just want to continue to feel good in my own skin. Ready to join me? See yourself as you are and not how you wish and hope to be. To be imperfect and to have flaws is beautifully human.

Keep moving forward…ALWAYS. GO BIG OR GO HOME!!!

Article courtesy of www.fullfiguredmag.com

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