Big Women, Sex, and....The Problem

I was reading an article a friend shared on Facebook about a plus size woman having unprotected sex in fear that she couldn't not keep men any other way. It was a great article and one particular passage hit home for me...

"I really thought about where this sister was coming from. Being a single, full-figured diva myself, I understand the struggle. It’s real in these dating streets. We live in a world where a size 2 has a better chance of getting a date on a Friday night than a size 22. Men are visual creatures, and no matter how great your personality is, they all want a certain “type”. "

Oh how I know this feeling to well. Since I was in high school and actively dating, I went through and understand what that woman was coming from. It took a while for me to develop the confidence and self-esteem I have so in the beginning I was also a beggars cant be choosers type of girl. Now, I wasn't as careless as that young woman in regards to always having unprotected sex, but there were situations when I felt pressured and gave in.

Fat-shaming is real and it happens at any age which can lead people to do things they shouldn't and wouldn't normally do. It takes time to build confidence and self-esteem when you have felt so low about yourself. It can be a daily struggle to learn to accept and love yourself and your body regardless of your size. Not to mention the countless reminders we get daily about how we need to lose weight. The author gave great advise throughout the article and this was my favorite...

"But my most important message to her and all my Big Girls is this: no one will love you unless you love yourself. Yes, there are some “Shallow Hal’s” out there who will reject you at first glance. But most people are attracted to confidence. Wearing confidence and self-love is better than make-up, designer clothes, or a new hairstyle … it’s even better than Spanx. Heck, I can’t think of too many things better than Spanx! When you go out there fully armored with self-love and confidence, you’ll attract the guy you’re supposed to have."

Ladies never think and treat yourself like you are less than. You deserve nothing but the best and respect and always remember that.

Have Better Sex!!!!!!

Every women has insecurities about their bodies. There will always be something you hate about it or don't want another person to see. When it's time to be sexy or intimate your insecurities can lead to a disastrous night. I want to help you get out your comfort zone to bring out that inner sexy. The more you work on it the easier and more comfortable it will become.

1. Get familiar and explore your body. I say it all the time but looking at yourself naked often will help you accept it and love it. Everyday you should spend time in front of your mirror.
2. Gradually buy sexy clothes like lingerie or sexy pajamas. Try things with a silk or satin material. Feeling those materials against your skin will help bring out your inner sexy.
3. Maintain your feet and hands. You don't have to pay a lot of money for pedicures and manicures. Doing simple things like making sure there moisturized and nails are painted can keep you in a good mood.
4. Another thing that's gets my sexy going is music. I am heavily into all kinds of music and certain songs just puts me in a zone. Try listening to some R&B slow songs. Even some throwback old school music can put you in the right mood.
5. The most important thing is to get comfortable by yourself. We will all be a little uncomfortable from time to time when we are with a partner but being comfortable in your own skin will help.

It wont happen over night but don't let your issues with your body get in the way of intimacy. Every woman deserves to feel sexy. Work on these tips and you will be that much closer to bringing out your hotness.

Don't Be in Love with Being in Love

Since I have been working on my inner self I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I look for in a man and relationship. This has not also came without trial and error. I've written a post before about plus size women and dating but this goes a little bit beyond that. My sister told me about a list she was told to write; about what she looks for in a mate including things that are an absolute must and some things that she prefers but isn't a deal breaker. I love that idea!

The things I accepted before, I will no longer tolerate in my relationships. Going through my on again off again relationship with my daughter's father has been tough but we are working on making it great. I also had an on and off again "dating" or "messing around" type of relationship for a couple years also with a guy. In each relationship I was always scared to speak up for certain things because I didn't want to run them off. I always wanted that great relationship like everyone else but I compromised my happiness for all these years just to be single again from time to time.

When you are in an actual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship always stand up for yourself and BE YOURSELF. Don't get lost in his world only making him happy and not you. Any man that truly loves you will love your regardless of your faults and will meet you half way in every aspect of the relationship. Now there are men that do love their woman but don't appreciate her or show her the love she needs until its too late. That happens so many times. They do the bare minimum to keep you but not enough to keep you happy. When the female gets tired of it and move one now they're hurt. Now they want to prove to you what kind of man they can be but its to late.

If a man can't be that man you need in the beginning way waist your time. I'm not talking about you wanting a man to be rich but a man that is rich in LIFE. The man that is a homie, lover, friend and has all the goals and aspirations that you look for in a husband. If he doesn't meet you half way or he doesn't posses the qualities you have on your list then move on. You CAN NOT change a man into what you want him to be.

Also when you decide to simply "mess" with someone set some standards with that as well. There is nothing wrong with that type of relationship but set some boundaries. Let him know he can't treat you like a doormat. The guy I used to see swore we didn't have a booty call type of relationship but he treated it like one. He only called at night and never answered his calls or text. All the while he wanted me to believe we had something more. So that last time we spoke I went off on him. I didn't want to be a booty call and I wasn't going to be one. Needless to say the calls stopped coming after that conversation and I was happy they did.

I am no longer into changing men or settling for less than I deserve because I want a companion. There is someone for everyone and that will happen in due time. All that silliness I fell for before will never happen again. I look back at how foolish I have been but it can't even say I was foolish. I was a girl in love with love and took any kind love that was given to me.

Stay strong ladies and know your worth. Your prince charming will be waiting for you at the right time. No need to waist any your time or life on a man that doesn't fit your life in the right way.